Deconstructed Tossed Salad

I should have taken a picture.

One day I came across this blog. http://thingsorganizedneatly.tumblr.com/

That night I made a salad for dinner, (Chicken ala taco seasoning, peppers, corn, lettuce, tomatoes, olives, carrots, kidney beans, crushed corn chips...), all tossed together. My daughter usually will pick the olives out and one or two other things that suit her fancy, and simply just won't eat much, and then sneak in and make herself a peanut butter & big mess sandwich later on. Well instead of just putting a pile of salad on her plate that night, I organized it, neatly. She ate it all. Now the other kids want theirs the same way.

Because I can't handle the poop post being at the top of my neglected blog...

My daughters like to pretend to be animals. In particular, little yippy puppies. They crawl around on all fours and come up to me begging for attention and asking me to scratch them behind the ears. One day the yipping was too much for me and I declared it to be Platypus Day! That put a stop to the obnoxious noises because no-one could make the platypus noise. Since then, when they get a notion to pretend to be animals, they come to me and ask me what day it is. A few days ago it was Beaver Day. We watched beaver movies on youtube and learned all about beavers, then we built lodges out of pillows and blankets, also we had recently gone on a little hike where we discovered signs of beavers building a dam. My husband and I also made numerous jokes using the word dam, we are quite clever...

And to get to the point... Today we were at the grocery store and all of a sudden my son said "Look! Beaver eggs!" I looked and beheld...chicken eggs... I was busy trying to keep all 4 kids in sight and figure out which yoghurt really cost less... 10 for $4, or 10 for $6 (math is really hard when the kids are running wild in grocery store) My son exclaimed again "Beaver eggs!" This time I looked where he was pointing, up above the eggs high on the wall in huge letters it read "Beverages." The end.

The following is an entry from my husbands journal written to my daughter:

It's your Birthday
Here at last
You're three years old
Boy that went fast

Off to the market
in the warm summer air
in hopes we can find
a gift for you there

So many things
From squashes to cherries
I buy you a bracelet
and a box of blueberries

We head on back home
to continue your day...
we plan on some fishing
and then we will play

It’s time for lunch
but you don’t want nothin’
cept for your box of blueberries
for crunchin and munchin

You’re there smiling
as you sit in your chair
eating the berries
you’re unwilling to share
with your parents both busy
only vaguely aware
little do we know
that we should beware
If only some ominous music
would have played in the air!

I am taken aback
and slightly appalled
to walk in and discover
you have eaten them all!

We’re skunked at the river
but we got a few bites
And a green spiky burr
in your hair stuck in tight

we head home again
where I get in a fight
seems mom’s freaking out
bout plans for tonight

“What’s going on??”
“Who’s going to come”
“I need communication”
“You’ve given me none”
By this time I’m about
ready to run

I have to come up
with something fast
I’ve been a bad husband
Must cover my … uh butt

Mom and I yell
at each other a while
Eliza tries mediation
with her 5 year old smile

Pretty soon we’re headed
with our little red boat
back to the lake
I sure hope it floats

I don’t know why
I thought this would be fun
within 5 minutes of launching
I have a wet bum

You demand your own paddle
with your signature sound
you sit there laughing
as we go round and round

Soon we’re back on the road
for two large pizza pies
While Mom’s at home working
on your birthday surprise

We go to Wal-Mart
You grab a big yellow ball
You kick it, grab it,
jump on it and fall
But when it comes time to buy it
you don’t want it at all.

I take you back home
with anticipation
of a glorious and happy
surprise celebration

I open the door
I let you walk in
They all yell “SURPRISE”
on your face there’s a grin

The kitchen is decked out
in bloons, many colors
your cousins are there
with your sisters and brother

Everyone eats
and then eat some more
when I go for some ice cream
I spill all the corn
some rolls down past the meat
and right out the door
Where the baby gobbles
it up off the floor

You open some presents
You get a nice dress
The guests head on home
The house is a mess

One final present
Your mom fills with fear
and within minutes your covered
in Henry’s root beer

It’s time for a bath
Can things get any worse?
Your mother’s holding back tears
and she’s ready to curse

But the badness continues
and you feel mom’s wrath
as you climb off of the toilet
and poop in the bath

After a long painful cleanup
you’re ready for bed
It’s been a bittersweet day
I’m feeling dead

I go to bed eager
for a night filled with rest
not expecting the next day
would be such a test

I dream about fighting
Gerard Depardieu
I awake to discover
that none of it’s true
I’m feeling relieved,
…..until I find you

From my bed I hear
you in the front of the house
your quiet but out there
just like a mouse

You’re there with wipes
scrubbing the floor
I see wipes to your left
to your right a few more

Confused I bend down
I unknowingly stoop
and to my unbridled horror
I discover it’s poop!

Its in puddles and piles
all over the ground
I stand up in shock
at the scene I have found

And what is that color
that unmistakable hue?
It dawns on me what happened
this poop is all BLUE!

I noticed you’re covered
from your head to your toes
your diaper is filled
though it’s already blown

You tried to clean it
you gave it your best
as you’ve battled alone
this unbelievable mess

It’s caked onto your legs
some of it’s dried
Instead of getting out of bed
I wish I had died

I know for a fact
this fecal miscarriage
will surely mean doom
for my eleven year marriage

To the bath with you child!
my poor little daughter
I can’t clean with wipes
I need some hot water!
I notice Mom’s woken up
I’m sure I’ll be slaughtered

I don’t think anyone
would think me a liar
to say this was worse
than an ox in the mire
If I don’t clean this up
I’m gunna be fired

So It’s off to Smith’s
to get me a steamer
so our contaminated floor
can be a bit cleaner

Mom gets you dressed
to head off to church
while I remain home to try
to get out of this lurch

In the end it seems
everything ended okay
We had the stains almost out
by the end of the day
And if someone asked what they are
We don’t have to say

To top it all off
While I watered our tree
I got to close to the beehive
And got stung, by a bee.

So happy birthday my daughter
This one sure wasn’t a bore,
Please forgive me for not
looking forward to four.

A funny story.

You know in that movie Signs, how the kid leaves glasses of water all over the place? Well our kids do the same thing. They fill a cup of water up, drink a little and save the rest for later. Later, when they are thirsty they get another cup and do the same thing all over again. Thus our kitchen is booby trapped.

Well, today I was summoned to the kitchen by my crying baby, who I found crawling in a puddle of water. It was also all over her back and head and face. I figured she had pulled a cup of neglected water onto her head, as she has done this before. Laughingly and soothingly I picked her up, not worried about getting wet too, it's summer, it'll dry. She grabbed at my face with her wet hands and I wiped the drips out of her face with my shirt. As I did this I was looking around for the cup that had once contained the water, there was one on the table that was empty except for a drop or two proving that it had recently held water, but it was too high for the baby to reach... At the same time I observed my 2 (almost 3) year old walking down the hall trying to put on a new dress. "Mom, I peed." Ewwww. I proceeded directly to the bath.

Funny huh? Not the end of the story. There is a happy ending.

After the bath I tackled the cleaning of the floor. The 2 year old wanted to mop too so I gave her a turn and told her to clean up her pee. She happily took the mop and headed to another section of the kitchen. Much to my delight there was a puddle of pee over there! I was very happy to know that my baby had not been peed on and had not wiped it on my face! It had really been water all along.

And to settle the mystery as to where the water came from... I questioned my daughter a little more and found out that she had dumped a cup of water on her baby sister. Yup because that is just the kind of kid she is, the kind that will randomly dump water on someone to see what happens. I'm sure she was less than happy to see that it didn't cause the baby to melt into a sizzling pile of goo.

My baby crawls funny.

And she stalks chickens.

Maybe I should ask her where the missing hen is.

Hmmm?

Wherein the usefulness of my education comes to a head...

Many of you have probably been wondering if my 2.5 years of higher education was beneficial to me in my chosen vocation as a stay at home mom. I can now definitively tell you that it was. Through the process of designing and developing this bunny's potty I called directly upon the skills learned in my Design Theory class, Art 101, and one of my interior design studio classes. Granted, in school I would have stayed up till 4 in the morning to finish such a project as this. Real life has certainly improved my time-efficiency. This beauty took all of about 10 minutes to make!

Unfortunately, it's much easier to convince a stuffed rabbit to use a toilet than my toddler. (Is she still a toddler, she's almost 3?)

And for my mother, here is a shot of the back of my girls heads. It's also proof that I brushed their hair once.

I want to do things and create things, but that would complicate life and there is no way I could complete anything right now. So I content myself with moving the furniture around every couple of weeks. I was moving a bookcase the other day and the kids all piled in.

What I really want to do is get rid of most of the furniture and paint all the rest black or white. I can't decide. What do you think? Black or white book shelves? And while I'm at it I think I'll cut my hair really short.

I taught our art class this week and we learned about Antonio Canova. I should have had the kids all bring their own butter, but I didn't think about it until it was too late. Instead we used a non-drying clay that the kids couldn't take home because we will use later for another class... but we did take pictures! Well, some of the kids smashed theirs before we could take pictures, so here are some of their lions:



Doh! This picture is blurry and sideways



This one isn't a lion, it's a totem,






Good job everybody. Sorry, we didn't get a picture of all of them. I like how the older kids are seeing form as 3 dimensional, and getting much more realistic; and the younger kids are still completely happy that they get to make stuff, and are always so proud of what they do.



I didn't make one because I was holding this turkey-

Per the request of my mother here are pictures of the baby.









And this last one is The Funny Funny trying to convince her that she wants to hold onto a doll...

I made this "boppy"-ish pillow and I had this baby.

I'm in the middle of removing the old and failing caulk from my bathtub, and so I thought it was really important to let you know, that if I ever have a lot of money, I will be refurnishing my home with items found here. Now, I can get back to work.

This is what I entered into the Art Show at the Cache County Fair this year.



The smaller illustration is from previous material, just in color. The bigger one is for my mother who has complained that I have never made her anything. I expect her to display it permanently in a prominent location in her living room. It features a mother dragon with 8 obnoxious little baby dragons representing me and all my siblings. I'll let you decide which baby dragon is which one of us. (hint: one of my siblings is known for using her teeth on others.) It won 3rd place. My strategy for winning all the awards didn't work this time because many more people entered the same category, but I'm pretty happy to have won third with all the competition.

Aren't these pretty? I found them in my very own yard. My very own birds-nest fungus. I'm such a lucky girl.

Okay here is a link to the voting. There is no pressure to vote for me, I won't track you down and beat you up this time. And since it's hard to see, here it is in larger scale and broken up out of it's repeat.



Yes, part of this is something I made previously. As it was, I stayed up till 2 in the morning to do this and didn't have time to finish past a rough draft, I don't have time to come up with new material.

Unfortunately I did not win the last Spoonflower contest. But I did get 265 votes. I would like to thank 265 people for voting for me. I won't mention any names, because I might miss a few and I don't want anybody to feel bad.

Also unfortunate, I entered another one of them. I'm sure this design hasn't a chance, it needs a lot of work, and I probably never should have pushed the submit button. When the voting begins I'll point you there and you can surrender the obligatory vote.

In the mean time, I'll be working on the next contest which involves crayons.

Thanks again.

Spoonflowers latest contest category is "Mythical Beasts" So I was obliged to enter a dragon design.



It may seem a bit familiar since I used parts of something I had made previously.

If I hadn't run out of time I would have played around and done something more significant with the colors. Or at least, I would have tried. Color is my nemisis, so I really might have met my demise if I had had more time.

Whether you like it or not, please go vote for me here.

When I grow up I am going to be a 3d animator. Right now in my youth I don't have time for it, but when I grow up and settle down that is what I will be.... Or maybe I'll be a bus driver, a very mean one.

I took a class this past term at our local tech-school, and I made this.



I know very corny and cliche, the whole dragon/falling apart castle thing. Please excuse it's incompleteness, I ran out of time. I ignored my household duties and children enough as it was.

This is Halloween.

This young lady was the Infamous Generic Tinkerbell a.k.a. Stinkerbell. Unlike the real Tinkerbell, she is dressed modestly and warmly for the weather. The hat didn't quite make it through the evening and her wings were a bit lopsided, but she was perfectly delighted with her costume anyway. (Thanks for the help Grandma) She is already planning to be Snow White next year. I'm planning to ban Disney from my home.



This next kid didn't get a homemade costume, she is the poor neglected third child. She is acctually Eyore, but looks morel like the Easter Bunny with her basket. It took her all of about 1 house to figure out that if you can stand on the door step and and yell someone will give you candy. I think most people thought it was absurd that we were having such a small kid collecting candy, but I thought it absurd that some people would give her 3 or 4 pieces.



This next guy wanted to be b.o.b. from the movie Monsters Vs. Aliens. So he was. We had quite a fight over the way this costume would be made. He wanted to be completely covered so that he would "really look like b.o.b.", I knew this would pose a problem due to the fact that he requires oxygen to stay alive, and he can't see through fleece. I finally convinced him to allow me to leave a spot uncovered for his eyes and nose. By the end of the evening he had his whole head on the outside, but I think he "really looked like b.o.b." anyway. He made the eyeball all by himself.



See, they love halloween..

First of all... This baby of mine is the cutest thing since sliced bread. She is mean, but cute. By the looks of her you would have no idea how many times she pulls her sisters hair a day, or how many times she hits me on the head with a block, or how razor sharp her teeth and talons are.



Second of all, thanks for voting for me on Spoonflower unfortunately you forgot to tell your Uncle to vote for me too, and I didn't get into the final round, therefore, I for sure won't be winning 5 yards of custom fabric...sigh... If you are interested in seeing the final round contestants and voting for one of them go right ahead... See if I care...sigh

Third, I just got a new nephew and I made him this blanket. Highly functional and blue, just a good old blanket, nothing fancy.



And lastly, but not leastly, I present to you my sisters Birthday present. This is exactly what she needs-mold and mildew for her hair (they are barrettes.) Happy Birthday! (Yes, I know, it's just what you were hoping for.)

This is what I entered into the competition:



It's been bothering me, the horizontal flower stuck in there, they aren't right. Too dominearing, and they repeat in such an unpleasant way.


So I canned them, and came up with this instead:



I wish I had stuck with the vertical to begin with, too late now. But at least I will sleep better now, knowing that for my own happiness I fixed it. Except that I won't sleep too well, because the colors look acceptable on one of my monitors and like neon signs on the other. I have no idea how they look on yours. Plus I cut and pasted the little spoons from the other spoons and they are rather choppy, luckily you can't tell in low resolution, except that I just told you so you know anyway. Sigh...

If you haven't already, go vote for me...HERE. #48. Thanks.